Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt release ‘How To’ book
Posted on November 3rd, 2009 by Austin
Having convinced half the country they would find even 3rd-grade reading an insoluble challenge, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have now somehow managed to scrawl out a book.
The new creation, “How to Be Famous: Our Guide to Looking the Part, Playing the Press and Becoming a Tabloid Fixture” is a 144-page ‘How-To’ guide, crafted by two people who clearly never should.
Inside you’ll find insipid chapters like, ‘Pretty on the Outside,’ which contains priceless wisdom such as Heidi’s belief that, “celebrities are there to look hot for the common people – It’s our job.”
Next comes an intellectually untroubled essay entitled, “The Paps Are Your Friends,” in which ‘Speidi’ lament the presence of the very paparazzi whose horrendous low standards are the sole source of their fame. One sentence reads, “We find these people to be embarrassments to the industry.”
Hello, Kettle? This is the pot…you’re a utensil of color!
In another chapter labeled,“Women’s Weapons of Mass Destruction,” Montag counsels her six female fans on using emotional insults to get your own way, “Even the most hardened villainess can break people down with puppy-dog eyes and a few tears.” she witlessly muses.
But amid all the fortune-cookie one-liners and airbrushed glamor shots, there is one entry in this ghost-written assemblage of inept mental floss which displays a level of insight that borders on genius; One page 14…if you can make it that far, Heidi imparts the small fact that, “If I weren’t me, I’d hate me.”
Don’t worry, dear – we’ve all done that for you!
This risible novel will be released on the world by Grand Central publishing on November 16…
Source: MSNBC
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